Thursday, October 11, 2007

Moral Support

Clomid is done, but I still can't stop crying. Two days of antibiotics are behind me, which means that I've had stomach pains and debilitating nausea for 48 hours and counting. The nausea woke me up at 6am this morning. I had to force down some food at 8:00 so that I could take the next pill, and both the unwanted food and the additional medicine made the nausea that much worse.

S. had an appointment to have his sutures removed this morning. Last night, he said that he could go by himself, since he's off the Vicodin and driving himself around again, but this morning he threw a temper tantrum when I pleaded with him to let me stay in the fetal position on the couch because of the nausea. He even made me drive, though I insisted on taking his car so that, when I threw up, it wouldn't ruin mine. He claims he needed me for "moral support," for a 10 minute exam (and an hour in the car) that involved nothing. I was choking back vomit the entire time and doubled up in pain, but at least he got the support he needed. It's now more than 12 hours later, and I still can't believe how resentful I am about it. I mean, I've been 100% there for him since he injured his leg more than 2 months ago, doing everything he asks. I've been dealing with side effects of fertility drugs and treatments for 3 weeks without any support from him, because he's been laid up. But I thought that now that he was doing better and I was doing worse, I would finally be the one who got to put my needs first, and he could start doing some things for himself, if not for me. But he wouldn't even do that much.

All evening, he keeps saying "Thanks, I love you," and waiting for me to say, "No problem, happy to help," but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm just feeling so miserable, and I don't have support from any friends or family, and it sucks that I can't even get that support from him.

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