Monday, October 29, 2007

Timing, continued

Three weeks ago, my brother M. called to tell me that he and A. had just gone off birth control and were going to try to have child #3. Today, I received the obvious follow-up to that call: A. is pregnant. They conceived each of their other two children easily, too, but even so, M. explained to me that he was "blown away by how easy it was" to conceive again, especially since they "weren't really even trying yet." He complained some about how, because they conceived so quickly, it was throwing a lot of their planning into disarray, then explained how he wanted me and S. to arrange all our future vacation plans to better accommodate their happy news, since we have no such constraints.

I was so desperately trying to avoid crying into the phone, I told him that I was late getting somewhere and practically hung up on him. I don't think that I even said congratulations. Then I drove for several miles while sobbing hysterically into the steering wheel (real safe, I know, but at least I stayed off the freeway).

He wasn't supposed to tell anyone yet (the rest of the family is being told over Thanksgiving, though she'll only be ~8 weeks along then) and I'm under orders to "act surprised." That's not the only reaction I'll be faking. And now I'm left to wonder... would I have rather that he waited to tell me, so that I could at least have these next 3 weeks in peace, without the incredible suffocating feeling in my chest that I've had since he told me? Or is it better that I find out now, before I again have Clomid coursing through my veins?

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